Can i not drive my cunt home
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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