a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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