I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
