just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
