omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The struggles of a small town man whore
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
