It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
