Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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