On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
