Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
