SEEEEXXX PLEASE
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Found your dick twin last night
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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