Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
