i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize