he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
