It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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