I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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