I could have mohawked her pubes.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
