I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
