we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
