Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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