apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Someone stole a lamp last night.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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