that's an acceptable place to lick
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
