i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
