Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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