That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
