he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
