Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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