I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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