Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
