Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
