You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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