uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
