i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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