I want to make a zoo with you.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
