I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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