this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
