no, he came in my armpit
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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