A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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