I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
