omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
