Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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