i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
