life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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