when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Girls should come with a carfax report
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
