lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
