Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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