Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
