He had one of those small greek statue penises
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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