If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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