thus making me awesome and them whores
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
What drink are we having for lunch?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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