this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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