His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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