I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
