I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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