But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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