He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
