I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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