i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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