I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
