genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
