He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
