So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
