# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize