I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
