In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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