went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
