And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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