who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
