I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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