omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
