got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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