ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i would punch a child for taco bell
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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